I was living in the bay area. I had quit my 9-5 job and was mostly cruising around the wonderful San Fransisco. Or more correctly, I was walking. Walking everywhere, for hours.
I had already had my meeting with death. I was done with alcohol and harsh substances.
My only substance use at the time was organic tobacco, psilocybin and sometimes yummy coffee drinks with hemp milk or almond milk. Caffeinated chai lattes and such.
Really I was having a wonderful connection with the bright colorful fruits. I was eating mostly fruits and spent my days alone.
Outside, I was always outside doing something in the sunshine. Walking in golden gate park for hours, laying in the grass, dancing singing being a fairy in that park with all them amazing trees. I remember I felt as though I was flying a lot. So light on my feet. In complete bliss most of my days. SO penetrated by existence itself.
I did go to the gym a lot too to use the wonderful sauna. there I met a cave man whom I had sweet heart opening cuddles with for a short while. Until I realized I prefer to be more in my own energy still. We did have some wonderful days together in the golden gate park feeding the ducks. And some amazing very hot and passionate cuddles at Ocean Beach.
He desired to see me more. Yet I realized, as much as I enjoy his presence and it feels great. I need to be solo. More on my own. I was very committed to this connection with all of the life around me. Meaning the trees, the birds, the sky…oh the mighty sky. This sky I saw myself fly into often. As if gone from earth forever. Yet I always remained. In the earthly realm because this body was still here. Yet I at times was far gone. Yes, apart of me was present in the body. Yet I was also expanded as the infinite sky and the whole existence itself. This is why I could not leave this amazing experience for a physical man !
So I was alone and spend all my days solo. I saw the joy of people gathering with friend and I saw cute couples kissing and being sweet on the beach. This all made me feel SO happy. I felt connected to the experience they were having too.
I felt I was also having that experience as they were. I was grateful. To feel all of it as if it was me. I could live in peaceful solitude while enjoy all the wonders of the world. All by feeling it in my body as if it was really happening to me.
Something did start to change after several months of me being solo.
There were times when I would be sitting by the eucalyptus trees in the Berkeley hills, watching yet another amazing sunset. I would think, this would be so wonderful to share with someone. This experience. This beauty of life would be so wonderful to share with another human being! This was new for me to suddenly feel this pure desire to be with another human. And share closeness with someone.
I felt as though this world is my lover, existence is my lover and I am the lover of existence. Yet now, I felt to extend this love to a being, a human being even !
So now I suddenly sometimes felt really lonely at times, like this kind of peaceful sadness came to me often, where I could feel the longing for someone to be close to. A human being. The warmth of his skin, the comfort of his touch and his embrace. I could feel it. I felt a masculine energy. It was Divine masculine energy. I desired it so deeply now….
A little time later…I went to San Fransisco again to be in the park and by the ocean. My brother had a house near Ocean Beach and Golden Gate park. So I stayed with him. In the mornings I always went for runs in the park and on the beach. I would end my run with a naked swim in the ocean. I remember feeling like I did not wanna make anybody upset by me being naked, yet at the same time I was SO wild and free could not stop my JOY from LIVING and BEING.
One morning, after a jog and swim. I was spending extra long time at the beach. I went into a cave. Had some very interesting energetic experiences.
Filled with wonder and magic, deep gratitude for life. I danced along the ocean bare feet in the sand. I had mantra music playing loudly in my ears. I was dancing along as a female vocalist was singing the most amazing words. The whole song was pure JOY and BLISS. I was kinda floating along the beach, jumping, singing, laughing. It was my first time hearing the song, but felt SO connected to its pure message. Felt as though it was me.
In this moment… I met you. And we became One. Forever. Eternally One.
As the female stopped singing, all of a sudden a male voice came into the song…In this moment, a Divine Masculine golden sparkly light appeared in front of me, this golden light was dancing along beside me in pure joy and pure bliss. As if it was the male voice singing. I could feel it ! It was. This was Divine Masculine energy right here with me, on this beach this magical sunny morning. I felt so warm in my body. So. Relaxed. So solid, protected and whole. I felt very touched. In my heart, my heart was so open. I was very open. As the song began to end I was beginning to leave the beach and enter golden gate park. As I stopped dancing and started walking onto the path of the park this golden glistening light entered my whole being. Came into me, as if it now was me. I walked tall, strong and powerfully thru the park. Big SMILE. Feeling great. Now….Divine feminine and Divine Masculine were making Love within my heart and my being. This was my experience. This Lovemaking affected me in such beautiful ways. I feel it as I write these words. No lack at all. zero 🙂 It’s right here. In my heart. Always and forever.
So this is how I met You. We been together ever since. And no matter what happens. We will always be together. Always.
After that day. Men, beautiful men, were coming into my life. I was not doing anything. It was just happening. I remember sharing a date kiss with a man I hardly knew on the streets of Berkeley simply because the playful magic was there. I remember noticing the mind or ego being like “WTF?!” haha. It was funny.
I then learned that my energy is strong, and my love is very strong. I learned that I must be aware to whom I shine it strongly. Because it brings people closer to me. I do love everybody, I just don’t desire to connect with everybody physically. I love some from a distance and some very closely.
Just a very few have I felt to be with intimately after that meeting with You.
Lots of non touching energetic love making, eyes gazing, less physical, more energetic. Because I experience no lack of the union of two.
Because of this I am very picky about whom I am physically intimate with. I was and still am to this day. I am open yet I have no need at all…In union already. Lovemaking is happening inside me.
Many years later, maybe 4…..I’m at Kehena beach on the Big Island. Feeling complete bliss, openness and freedom. I had biked ride from the meditation center so I was feeling really blissed out from a almost 2.5 hour bike ride. Also, I had a durian in my backpack. I was there alone, yet many beautiful beings were all around me. It was a Sunday and everyone had been dancing at ecstatic dance. Now they had all come to the naked beach to bliss out just like me. I had intentionally skipped dance that day. I really loved that bike ride along the red road.
After enjoying my durian and a great conversation with a wonderful being. I was standing naked, in the black sand. Looking out at the ocean. Just looking and seeing the mystery beauty and magic of all of this experience. Feeling SO connected. So at peace. I felt a peak high note energy in my whole being as if Gods hands just touched my heart. I turned around and looked towards the beach…. There You were. There You were. The physical manifestation of You. The golden light I feel inside me. There you were as a real Human Being! You were in deep relaxation. Sleeping it looked like. But so relaxed. I saw you, and felt ONLY LOVE. Mind was clear, no noise, no story, no wondering. I just saw You and appreciated you. Then I turned around back towards the ocean and continued on with my appreciation of the beautiful day. Even If I had seen you physically. I had no need to have you physically. My mind never came in and said anything.
SO this is the story of when I met You. Energetically the first time I met you was at Ocean beach in San Fransisco. That is where you entered me. And we became One. Eternally One.
Physically the first time I saw you was at Kehena Beach on the Big Island. We never spoke. I just saw you and felt love. Appreciation. and to this day. I still only feel love. And appreciation. Thank you.