My feelings are important, my feelings are guides, I like to make sure I am not feeling something because of a story in my head of not being good enough or a story or mistrust and doubt, those do not feel like true feelings to me, they feel like made up stories of ego.
I feel it is super important to listen deeply to feelings that come from a thoughtless place, these are guides, important to listen to these and not try to avoid them and just say “nah its okay its prob not so important”.
When I have felt strong feelings, strong intuition and instinct, I have at times not expressed myself or really honored them, given space for them, this has lead to me having too deal with the consequences of not actually honoring and listening to myself, this is a very painful experience.
You may ask, why would you not listen and not follow your true feelings in the first place?
Well, a part of me has been scared to speak up and share my full and honest truth, especially in intimate close relationships of the opposite sex, I have fears around speaking my fullest truth after some experiences that lead me to believe it is not safe to do so, it can result in feeling threatened of violence and attack.
Yet of course this is not the case in this reality that I live in now, the life I’ve created is all love and peace now, yet, trauma from these past experiences still arise in this body of mine making me feel as if I will be in physical danger to express my truth.
This noticing is super important, and I am so grateful to myself for being brave enough to express my truth now, no matter how scary and uncomfortable, no matter how much my voice shakes.
I see this is a beautiful realization I’ve had recently, I can actually tune into my pure feelings and my inner guidance, and actually honestly fucking express from that place, for some part of me it is so scary yet now I see it is so worth the feelings of discomfort compared to not speaking up at all.
We are worthy or our fullest self expression, if that scares you to show up fully now, I invite you to lean into the scary and uncomfortable and do it anyways. Life is not meant to be fuzzy and sweet all the time, it is meant to be fully lived, and that means being fully ourselves and allowing our fullest expression.
Even with such a sweet angel as the being I have been sharing life with it has felt hard for me to speak up, especially if I am sharing something about him and I and perhaps if I am sharing something about us not being physically together anymore, for example, my desire to move to Hawaii, or go solo camping for a few days, even these simple things I am shocked at how even this can be hard at times for some part of me to share.
Yet the most beautiful thing is that I am not ever holding back, even when I am scared I fucking share that yes I am scared, I share my fears, this is not a weakness my friends, this is true strength, I am ready to give myself some fucking credit and say I have fucking grown, I have grown in the ways that I am so much more comfortable with the uncomfortable, so if that uncomfortable and hard conversations needs top be had lets fucking have it and show up for it with patience and love, with the intention to love the fuck out of all of it, anything that is alive in us is is worthy of expression and to be seen heard and supported.
This is why I want all my brothers and sisters to know that you never need to hide yourself from me, because I fucking love all of you, even your darkest shit and messy parts, all of your humanness is loved, because I am the lover who Is capable of loving it all, I choose to fucking die into this love, and trust me, it fucking feels like death at times, so scary, it is not an easy path of peace love and light all the time, yet it also really is, ya feel me, haha.
Anytime someone is scared and avoiding going into the deep dark soil and receiving the nourishment from there, they are missing out on something so precious, I am ready to go deep into that now, and really receive the nourishment from it. Deep dark soil, I fucking love you so much, thank you.
photo credit and big thanks to Ransom ??☀️