I shared a huge powerful orgasm yesterday with my partner, it was truly incredible and oh so pleasurable and expansive, but let me tell ya, in the future instead of exploding this energy out of my body, I truly fucking commit to keeping it in and instead breathing deeper to circulate it within my body, riding the wave of pleasure more with awareness and equanimity vs going after the pleasure, I mean usually this is what I do but somehow yesterdays full moon got me ??

I commit to pausing, breathing fuller and deeper with my partner vs choose the explosion of pleasure, the commitment to breathing more and circulating the energy, yes, that feels so important to me, and it’s oh so pleasurable too!

Because honestly what comes up that much must go down, so today a day after this experience, I’m feeling all the feels, a bit lower than normal, also some sadness feelings.

Now I know there ain’t really a problem with anything I’m feeling, only problem is the thoughts stories and narrative I create around what I’m feeling.

I actually feel really amazing when I tune into it, just a bit more quiet and introverted, like a cozy and spacious feeling, feeling of being raw and exposed too, wanting to be in a cave.

I honestly want a day on my own away from my partner after an orgasm like that, it’s interesting how that is, does anyone else have this feeling too? Wanting space the next day from the person you shared a powerful orgasm with? Haha gosh it sounds kinda nuts, I feel weird admitting this, but yeah I just want a day for myself after a shared experience like that, and I think what’s gets me feeling strange is if I don’t own this and share it with my partner. I must own the truth that I need space even in times when things are so beautiful and amazing, when we have expansive experiences I need space for me afterwards. This is so important for me and it’s beautiful. Me wanting space often is beautiful, I own it, I celebrate it vs get into a story that I should feel differently or I should be in another way then I genuinely am.

I’m feeling like life has so many profound experiences, so much potency unfolding, I really cherish the time and space to process it all and integrate it all, reflect and just feel it more in my body. I can’t always move from one thing to the next, the pause, stillness and reflection is so important, the pausing to give thanks and feel gratitude, it’s so important I give myself this time I’m realizing.

I need to learn and remember to communicate my needs more, to own my naked truth, and not apologize for it, not make it wrong.

It’s funny because when we make love and don’t have that huge pleasurable orgasm, and instead we circulate and bring the energy up our spines and back down again, really spreading the orgasmic energy all around within our bodies through our intentional breathing together, that’s when I finish feeling so alive, so orgasmic, a lot more balanced centered and full, but when I explode in the pleasure and feel it kinda shooting out of me into the universe, that’s when I feel a bit more low, different the next day. Now of course I always hold the most beautiful visions in those moments of orgasm, I see and think the most potent empowering thoughts and images, I let the orgasm amplify more of what I desire in my life, yet even still, to me it’s just not worth it to have pleasurable orgasms when instead I could literally feel orgasmic long after I’m done making love.

Yeah, that’s what I choose. Phew!!