When we are connected to ourselves we know what we need. We know what we need and we know how to live. It’s all about connection.

We are bombarded with so much information right now, we don’t need anymore information, we don’t really need another course to get ourselves distracted into another idea.

What we need is wisdom and connection.

Ask yourself this question: am I living in a way where I am valuing taking time to get into the space of self connection everyday ? Am I living mindfully enough to feel connected in each moment to something greater then myself ? Am I doing each task with mindfulness and gratitude ?

Or am I already in the next place? when I am still doing the dishes ? Can I be in the moment and mindfully wash each dish as if it is my life’s purpose to do so ?

This my friends, this way of living, is richness. It all begins now. Living it now. Mindfulness is the answer. Because when we are mindful in each thing we do, when we are present in each moment with every person we meet. When we are not going anywhere, when our mind is not busy going someplace else in the future for more satisfaction or fulfillment. When we land here, in this moment, as if it is everything. Then we begin seeing the richness of all of it. The Abundance, the love, the peace. That is already here now.

Be, feel so satisfied with this moment. No matter what is appearing to be happening, we can, thru being present see thru the first layer of it and see it goes way deeper then just the physical eyes. We see it is infinite layers of beingness here. We see it’s all not as real as we may make it out to be. This human world reality.

We can choose to be presence, be mindful, versus being caught in the minds pulls towards attaining this and that. Success, whatever the mind labels and says is success. It will chase that, go towards it as if it actually means something. It’s all very meaningless.

Have you ever been doing something, like pursued something, like a career or a certain level of success in the world ?

Have you ever wanted to be super fit, super wealthy, super popular ? Have you ever gotten caught in the trap of thinking that you are better if you have 500,000 subscribers versus 10 subscribers on youtube ? haha ! Have you ever been really excited when people like and comment on your photos and pictures?

Who I think I am has wanted all these things. Money, super fit healthy body, success, recognition, popularity.

Yet anytime I actually get caught in going towards these things, I end up wanting to burn it all up. Like I recognize the emptiness of it all. The meaninglessness. It’s SO fucking empty and meaningless. SO Listen. If it’s not making you feel peace, harmony, love, Joy and Connection. Then fucking stop it. Stop the egos mad fucking running around looking constantly for more, more and more. This moment here is never enough for the ego that wants more money, more power, more recognition, attention and praise.

Maybe not everybody wants peace. Maybe not everybody wants to drop it all. Maybe not everybody wants to face this void and space of complete emptiness.

I recognize apart of me that resists this as well at times. Yet it’s the only way. It’s the way home. The only path I choose to walk now. I’m not ever going to be fulfilled with worldly successes, money, popularity, likes, subscribers. The one that gets an instant rush of energy and excitement from a like or another subscriber is not who I am.

Honestly, when I am caught in that, I always see this image, of it all just burning up. Everything, the youtube channel, the website, the pictures, the body. I am lighting it all up, burning it up. Everything including the image I associate with me. You know the blonde women you see on facebook whom also is appearing on pictures on this website. Haha. Yes. I burn that image up. I burn up the whole “world”. What remains is me…

There is this peaceful feeling that comes from saying fuck it. To it all. Fuck the money, fuck false sense of security, fuck fake impermanent happiness and joy. Fuck the striving and going somewhere. It’s not gonna ever happen. Because wherever you go, there you fucking are ! Can we just drop this shit already ? Like how much fucking shadow work does this impermanent person Amanda gotta do before she can step into her fucking power ? Holy fuck it’s like it never ends. Just fucking be it now. Being present makes everything fade away. And you just naturally are it! It is what you are ! From this place inspired action comes. That is so beautiful.

I know, something does not want it to be that easy. For all problems, concerns, traumas and wounds to be gone in an instant. That’s to good to be true. Ego does not like that. But hey, it’s that fucking easy. I know there is this turn on for many to talk discuss and dive deep into things. I have come to a place where I prefer less noise. No noise even. This is where I am heading. In fact, we are all already here. Can you feel that ?

Peace. Quiet. Death.

When I say death. I mean death of everything we thought we were. The stories, the emotions, the feelings, the pain, the troubles, the concerns, the fear. The conditioning, the belief system. The body, the person….

This is all beautiful. I’m not saying it should go away or be different.

I’m saying I am not this. I am the space all this appears in. So anything that arises is apart of me. It is inside me. I am the Divine loving mother that holds space for it all to unfold in whatever way it does.

I am also here to say: Child, you can be at peace now. You are free to be in peace. You are eternally love and loved. You can never die. You are eternal infinite love. All your mind created problems are your choice. Every moment you are free to choose again. What your mind creates on the screen. Yet you are only temporary. So have fun. Do not take it too seriously. It’s fucking fun! Only serious if you believe you are the impermanent.

When you see you are me we can have SO much FUN. I Love you. I am always here. Even when who you think you are dies. I am here. And we are eternally One. Always and forever.

I was living in the bay area. I had quit my 9-5 job and was mostly cruising around the wonderful San Fransisco. Or more correctly, I was walking. Walking everywhere, for hours.

I had already had my meeting with death. I was done with alcohol and harsh substances.

My only substance use at the time was organic tobacco, psilocybin and sometimes yummy coffee drinks with hemp milk or almond milk. Caffeinated chai lattes and such.

Really I was having a wonderful connection with the bright colorful fruits. I was eating mostly fruits and spent my days alone.

Outside, I was always outside doing something in the sunshine. Walking in golden gate park for hours, laying in the grass, dancing singing being a fairy in that park with all them amazing trees. I remember I felt as though I was flying a lot. So light on my feet. In complete bliss most of my days. SO penetrated by existence itself.

I did go to the gym a lot too to use the wonderful sauna. there I met a cave man whom I had sweet heart opening cuddles with for a short while. Until I realized I prefer to be more in my own energy still. We did have some wonderful days together in the golden gate park feeding the ducks. And some amazing very hot and passionate cuddles at Ocean Beach.

He desired to see me more. Yet I realized, as much as I enjoy his presence and it feels great. I need to be solo. More on my own. I was very committed to this connection with all of the life around me. Meaning the trees, the birds, the sky…oh the mighty sky. This sky I saw myself fly into often. As if gone from earth forever. Yet I always remained. In the earthly realm because this body was still here. Yet I at times was far gone. Yes, apart of me was present in the body. Yet I was also expanded as the infinite sky and the whole existence itself. This is why I could not leave this amazing experience for a physical man !

So I was alone and spend all my days solo. I saw the joy of people gathering with friend and I saw cute couples kissing and being sweet on the beach. This all made me feel SO happy. I felt connected to the experience they were having too.

I felt I was also having that experience as they were. I was grateful. To feel all of it as if it was me. I could live in peaceful solitude while enjoy all the wonders of the world. All by feeling it in my body as if it was really happening to me.

Something did start to change after several months of me being solo.

There were times when I would be sitting by the eucalyptus trees in the Berkeley hills, watching yet another amazing sunset. I would think, this would be so wonderful to share with someone. This experience. This beauty of life would be so wonderful to share with another human being! This was new for me to suddenly feel this pure desire to be with another human. And share closeness with someone.

I felt as though this world is my lover, existence is my lover and I am the lover of existence. Yet now, I felt to extend this love to a being, a human being even !

So now I suddenly sometimes felt really lonely at times, like this kind of peaceful sadness came to me often, where I could feel the longing for someone to be close to. A human being. The warmth of his skin, the comfort of his touch and his embrace. I could feel it. I felt a masculine energy. It was Divine masculine energy. I desired it so deeply now….

A little time later…I went to San Fransisco again to be in the park and by the ocean. My brother had a house near Ocean Beach and Golden Gate park. So I stayed with him. In the mornings I always went for runs in the park and on the beach. I would end my run with a naked swim in the ocean. I remember feeling like I did not wanna make anybody upset by me being naked, yet at the same time I was SO wild and free could not stop my JOY from LIVING and BEING.

One morning, after a jog and swim. I was spending extra long time at the beach. I went into a cave. Had some very interesting energetic experiences.

Filled with wonder and magic, deep gratitude for life. I danced along the ocean bare feet in the sand. I had mantra music playing loudly in my ears. I was dancing along as a female vocalist was singing the most amazing words. The whole song was pure JOY and BLISS. I was kinda floating along the beach, jumping, singing, laughing. It was my first time hearing the song, but felt SO connected to its pure message. Felt as though it was me.

In this moment… I met you. And we became One. Forever. Eternally One.

As the female stopped singing, all of a sudden a male voice came into the song…In this moment, a Divine Masculine golden sparkly light appeared in front of me, this golden light was dancing along beside me in pure joy and pure bliss. As if it was the male voice singing. I could feel it ! It was. This was Divine Masculine energy right here with me, on this beach this magical sunny morning. I felt so warm in my body. So. Relaxed. So solid, protected and whole. I felt very touched. In my heart, my heart was so open. I was very open. As the song began to end I was beginning to leave the beach and enter golden gate park. As I stopped dancing and started walking onto the path of the park this golden glistening light entered my whole being. Came into me, as if it now was me. I walked tall, strong and powerfully thru the park. Big SMILE. Feeling great. Now….Divine feminine and Divine Masculine were making Love within my heart and my being. This was my experience. This Lovemaking affected me in such beautiful ways. I feel it as I write these words. No lack at all. zero 🙂 It’s right here. In my heart. Always and forever.

So this is how I met You. We been together ever since. And no matter what happens. We will always be together. Always.

After that day. Men, beautiful men, were coming into my life. I was not doing anything. It was just happening. I remember sharing a date kiss with a man I hardly knew on the streets of Berkeley simply because the playful magic was there. I remember noticing the mind or ego being like “WTF?!” haha. It was funny.

I then learned that my energy is strong, and my love is very strong. I learned that I must be aware to whom I shine it strongly. Because it brings people closer to me. I do love everybody, I just don’t desire to connect with everybody physically. I love some from a distance and some very closely.

Just a very few have I felt to be with intimately after that meeting with You.

Lots of non touching energetic love making, eyes gazing, less physical, more energetic. Because I experience no lack of the union of two.

Because of this I am very picky about whom I am physically intimate with. I was and still am to this day. I am open yet I have no need at all…In union already. Lovemaking is happening inside me.

Many years later, maybe 4…..I’m at Kehena beach on the Big Island. Feeling complete bliss, openness and freedom. I had biked ride from the meditation center so I was feeling really blissed out from a almost 2.5 hour bike ride. Also, I had a durian in my backpack. I was there alone, yet many beautiful beings were all around me. It was a Sunday and everyone had been dancing at ecstatic dance. Now they had all come to the naked beach to bliss out just like me. I had intentionally skipped dance that day. I really loved that bike ride along the red road.

After enjoying my durian and a great conversation with a wonderful being. I was standing naked, in the black sand. Looking out at the ocean. Just looking and seeing the mystery beauty and magic of all of this experience. Feeling SO connected. So at peace. I felt a peak high note energy in my whole being as if Gods hands just touched my heart. I turned around and looked towards the beach…. There You were. There You were. The physical manifestation of You. The golden light I feel inside me. There you were as a real Human Being! You were in deep relaxation. Sleeping it looked like. But so relaxed. I saw you, and felt ONLY LOVE. Mind was clear, no noise, no story, no wondering. I just saw You and appreciated you. Then I turned around back towards the ocean and continued on with my appreciation of the beautiful day. Even If I had seen you physically. I had no need to have you physically. My mind never came in and said anything.

SO this is the story of when I met You. Energetically the first time I met you was at Ocean beach in San Fransisco. That is where you entered me. And we became One. Eternally One.

Physically the first time I saw you was at Kehena Beach on the Big Island. We never spoke. I just saw you and felt love. Appreciation. and to this day. I still only feel love. And appreciation. Thank you.

I don’t really have any of this figured out. I do feel I resonate with being in Gratitude, Peace and Calmness. I resonate feeling the relaxation that comes from remembering anicca. Change. Impermanence. I am seeing that one thing that is always true about this reality is change. And that is so fucking beautiful. Loosen the grip to everything. No point to hold on. Let it go. Open your hands that are holding on to ideas concepts, people or things.

Self image, stories. Loosen that grip….Relax as the story arises. Don’t hold it at all. Just Relax and see how it’s becoming see thru. Transparent. Until finally quietly going away. Wow. So that thing we grabbed and held onto so hard to make it appear to be real. Is not actually real. Never was….

who was doing the grabbing ? Who ? Who grabs onto things and makes them appear to be so real and important ? is that you ? Who wants to make them real ? is that you ?

Whenever the story comes again, stay in a relaxed state. Tension is gripping. Relaxation is letting it go. Are we ready to let it go and come to Heaven ? The invitation is always here. Heaven is always here.

Recently I was in the realm and dimension where none of this could be labeled as me. I was not anywhere to be seen. I was as much this body as I was the million other bodies. No special attention or identification was given to this body that is typing now. As if its just a small part I can use to express myself in whatever way I please. Who we are is expressing itself so beautifully thru all of us. We are one….When will the whole world see that we are all so interconnected. That the people around us are us. It kinda brings me to tears. When I say us. I feel God. I feel Love. I see Love….everything that is ever searched for. Right here. Always… So much going around and around caught in the illusions. But they always crack. ….this is the moments of tears flowing down. Laughter. Joy. Incredible Peace and Trust.

Loosen the grips to it all. Loosen the grip…. Stay in the relaxed state. Live and breathe in Heaven. Right here. I’ll meet you here.

I’ll meet you here in this space where all is okay. Where its okay to feel anything and everything. Where all feelings can just arise, stay for a while, and pass away. I’ll meet you here in this space where feelings can just come and go. All the while we, we are smiling like the BIG sun. Smiling and living in deep peace. Eternal everlasting Peace..

All these dimensions….

The one where we clearly see the connection of us all. I live here. The place where there is just One. Right here….

We are all together. Even if we are not physically together. We are so together. You feel that ?